Are you listening?
I have been prompted today to talk about “regrets”. We all have them. If you say you don’t, then you are either a very lucky person or are quite possibly delusional.
Only you know the answer to your sanity.
What I know, is this…
There are different kinds of regrets and there are different categories of “regret” each falls under.
Let’s take a closer look…
Regrets About Others: Often times our regrets are focused around what our expectations of another are or were. It’s easy to lay blame for a situation when someone else is perceived to be at fault and so we regret that the person is a certain way or has done a certain thing before we regret our own choices.
Unfortunately, we still chose the interaction or relationship with that person, so the regret — although deflected, is still our own.
Regrets About Things: Most of us (while not all) have been touched by things like; “buyers remorse“, fender benders, lack of health insurance coverage, ill health, unemployment and/or other life altering circumstances. When shit happens we blame the things going wrong without looking at what has caused them to go wrong in the first place.
Unfortunately, usually many things that go wrong derive from previous choices we have made, or continue to make. If you regret buying that dress [that looked so good in the dressing room and not-so-good once you got it home], ask yourself why you bought the dress to begin with. Was it an impulse buy brought on by something else?
Personal Regrets: Some of us do regret choices we have made and take full responsibility for whatever situation occurred that prompted us to regret it. We also regret highly personal things about ourselves that we either; deny, debate or downright hide from others.
Taking ownership of the things we regret is important. It makes us better people to those around us and it makes us better people in how we move forward from regret. To be fair, not everything that happens is always our own fault, but we do have more control than we give ourselves credit for.
The Kind You Can Fix: Some mistakes can be undone or corrected or at the very least smoothed over and they should be. Otherwise we are left to regret not doing so when we had the chance. Accumulated regrets weigh down our soul and we carry the burden for more than we have to.
Unfortunately, pride [and stubbornness] often get in the way and stops us in our tracks. I think most
psychiatrists psychologists would say that this is a hurdle to overcome [psychiatrists would prescribe you a mind altering medication and say you are suffering from "anxiety", "OCD" or some other mental deterioration].
The Kind You Can’t Fix: Somethings cannot be fixed. Sad, but true. We have all heard the saying that you, “can’t take words back”. That’s a great example.
Unfortunately, these are hurdles to overcome by way of simply acknowledging there is nothing you can do to change the situation and move on. By moving on, that means letting it go. Completely. Forever. Don’t look back!
The Kind You Shouldn’t Fix: Some things are truly better left alone. Maybe the regret is brought on by someone or something legitimately out of your control. Why spend the mind-space [and emotion] regretting? These too are hurdles to overcome by way of simply acknowledging there is nothing you can do to change the situation and move on.
Unfortunately, we need to realize that some things do happen for a reason — however unpleasant, and there is a lesson to learn.
Like I said, yeh, I have a few, but I don’t dwell on them. I don’t let them run or rule me.
I used to.
I just try to make sure that I make choices I won’t regret; whether those choices involve other people, relationships or situations. Also, the choices I make for my health, both physically and mentally.
I have been on a journey of personal betterment. It’s involved myriad things.
Sadly, I have discovered that when one let’s go of regret and makes valid attempts at moving forward, others can drag you back. This only creates more regrets and quite frankly is unhealthy for everyone involved.
It’s hard to move forward when someone or some thing else keeps holding you back.