Are you listening?
What a cathartic and amazing year 2012 has been for me. So many things have touched me in so many ways I could write an entire book, but fear not I shall not bore you with the minor details and instead will share how I am wrapping up my year and the positives I have gained that will enable me to enter the New Year in a new role.
Being the mother of three amazing kids the name I have been most often called in my life is “Mommy” or some form of the same. “Cheri” was a name I heard rarely except in reference to some other “Cheri”, “Shari”, “Sherry”, and so on. In fact, thinking on this now I have probably been mistakenly called “Cheryl”, “Chris”, and even “Cherry” more so than my own name because of the spelling, but I digress.
Being a “Mommy” was the job I loved most in my career and for the past several years, as my children became adults, I stood on the edge of that cliff between “Mommy” and just “Mom”.
I lost my own Mother a little more than a year ago so I was already having a bit of an identity crisis. I have felt un-tethered from my “rock” with her passing and have floated around in a sky with no direction and little grace. Up was down and down was up, with each cloud something merely to observe and sometimes admire, but most often found in the shape of a question mark asking “Who am I?”.
I lost my direction when I lost that feeling of belonging to someone in some way. The feeling of being needed is like a drug and as my own children went about their lives without my guidance it was slowly eating me up inside. Not because I did not want them to be efficient without me, I just wanted to be a part of the process like I always had been.
This year has shown me that although my Mother is gone the “rock” is still there by way of the foundation of love she laid for me and my brother. This year has also shown that although my career as “Mommy” ended in a promotion to “Mom” it didn’t mean I was not needed, valued, or loved. I have watched my children become true adults through graduations, marriages, and other life changing events and I was given a new purpose this year and a new name. I am “Grandma” now and I am needed, wanted, and loved.