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From the Wilderness Forward, What Really Happened to Michael C. Ruppert


He carried, as it were, the burden of the world on his shoulders. He was almost a Christ-like figure in that sense.” ~ Barry Zwicker – Author, Activist and Media Critic, commenting on Mike Ruppert’s death, Global Research News Hour April 23, 2014


Photo Credit: Cara Tompkins,

Michael C. Ruppert was a lot of things to a lot of people, but amidst it all—although many didn’t know it, Mike was a troubled man. He carried the weight of what he genuinely believed to be the coming “end of the industrialized civilization” and the inevitable “collapse”. He had told us many times that,

There is no more time.”

Mike provided us a 25-point plan in his book, Crossing the Rubicon, but we didn’t take that ball and run with it.

In the end, Mike believed that the time for “doing something”, to stop the collapse, had come and gone. It was too late and now was the time to prepare for our initial survival and then demise. Mike believed, we as a species — because of the finite nature of the situation, were doomed.

Mike wanted us to prepare ourselves personally and spiritually in order to endure the horror of what to him was now the unavoidable. Mike taught us that no amount of prepping would help you if you didn’t have a community.

Mike carried a burden of information the average person isn’t even aware of, and it was heavy …

… But the problems with the world were not the only things that troubled Mike.




Mike’s suicidal tendencies go back further than “at least 8-years” as has been reported thus far (including by me). In 2004, Mike’s close friend, Gary Webb, took his life and Mike reported on the tragedy. In his  From the Wilderness report on Gary’s death, he added,

I myself might have committed suicide in 1996 – broke, divorced and having given up all hope of making people listen — had it not been for Gary Webb. For some years now it has been the farthest thing from my mind.

I rediscovered my purpose and maybe Gary lost his. This is a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions.” ~ Michael C. Ruppert, From the Wilderness, December 13, 2004

In addition Mike emailed a friend/colleague on October 19, 2006 admitting to two previous suicide attempts.

In July of 2012 Mike emailed another friend, Lois Karel:


I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist, psychotherapist or medical doctor. I am however, Bipolar. I have Bipolar-1 to be exact. I have written on the topic often because mental health is still a mystery to most and without consistent research to stay abreast of advancements, old ideas and attitudes will often prevail.

It was through my awareness of Mike and his work beginning in 2001 and my subsequent interactions with him that began in 2005, that I recognized a kindred spirit. Mike mirrored something in me. I never realized how much so until after he took his life when I found myself unexpectedly steeped in trying to understand so that I might explain.

Most of the years I’d known Mike, I too was in denial of my problem. I too toyed with taking and then not taking SSRIs and other mind altering drugs. I too have thought often about taking my life, I still have my moments.

That’s what Suicidal Ideation is all about.

Mike had further diagnoses than just that of Suicidal Ideation which we will talk about because Suicidal Ideation is a symptom of an illness and is not necessarily the illness itself.

Mike has been called a “narcissist”, an “egomaniac” and more by many; including those who call him “friend”. There is some truth in those words and the source of that truth stems from Mike’s mental health. Mike’s brilliance fueled his problem and vice versa; just as his walk in the world of conspiracies did.

To paraphrase Dylan Avery from a recent Vocativ interview days after Mike’s death,

If I allowed myself to continue down a certain path, that could have been me…. Ruppert was confirmation that you have to walk away…It’s a dark, dangerous world, the world of conspiracy. You make a commitment and either stick with it to the very end, or you don’t. It’s easy to get sucked in, and really hard to get sucked back out.” ~ Dylan Avery, Vocativ, April 25, 2014

A recent study published in Springer’s journal Cognitive Therapy and Research, called Catastrophic Thoughts About the Future Linked to Suicidal Patients, by University of Pennsylvania Perelman School of Medicine‘s, Shari Jager-Hyman, Ph.D., explores how negative and hopeless thoughts about the future influence suicidal behaviors in patients who’ve sought emergency psychiatric care.

To prevent suicides, therapists would benefit from directly targeting patients’ thoughts of hopelessness in clinical interventions,” says Jager-Hyman. “A cognitive approach can help patients evaluate their beliefs that negative outcomes will inevitably occur, and show them how to entertain other possible options. This can help to minimize patients’ thoughts of hopelessness, help them to cope better, and ideally decrease their suicidal ideation and behaviors.” ~ Shari Jager-Hyman, Ph.D.

Many people have asked me if Mike simply knew too much and could that be the reason he took his life.

While I am sure the things he knew weighed heavily on him, his work is not what caused Mike’s mental health issues.

It did however, exacerbate his behaviors including the Suicidal Ideation.


Heroes are Human Too

“Have I ever been called a conspiracy theorist? Of course I’ve been called a conspiracy theorist, but I don’t deal in conspiracy theory, I deal in conspiracy fact [emphasis is Mike’s].” ~ MCR in Collapse


Image Source: Collapse

Mike’s research and tenacity was impressive and his in-depth analyses and informative reports — paired with his arrogance and courage — energized, enlightened and inspired. Mike was a leader and he needed you; without you there was no one to lead. The manner in which he delivered his message was one that galvanized countless others to want to know more, but even with all of that, his mind was both working for and against him.

The current hurt, bewilderment, suspicion and  anger that is felt by many cannot be properly addressed without offering up the reality of Mike, the man.

Mike was a “Hero”, but he was also a human being.

No one should be judged for being human.

For nearly a decade Mike made those near him, and those who followed him, acutely aware of his personal struggles, however; over that same decade Mike allowed very few people to actually get close. Those that were close experienced all the various moods of Mike on a consistent basis. If you were not in Mike’s inner circle then you were in the majority who merely found his persona to be “dynamic”, “magnetic”, “impassioned” and more.

Mike was serious in his mission and that seriousness came through in spades.


Follow the Leader

Ya know…somebody once said to me a long time ago, and this was back in probably eighty-four, ‘Climb down off the cross asshole, we need the lumber.’ I’m not a Messiah. I am not responsible for saving anybody. The only person I am responsible for saving, is me.” ~ MCR, in Collapse


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If Mike was scared, we were scared. If Mike was excited, we were excited. If Mike said he was in danger, we believed Mike was in danger. If Mike said we were in danger, we believed we were in danger.

Mike’s messages were visceral.

If Mike acted hot-headed, childish, irrational, questionable or even anguished, we believed it was due to whatever situation he was covering, or telling us he was covering at the time. Mike’s frequent talk and threats of suicide; including alluding to at least two attempts, where real to those close to him, but to the rest of the world — who didn’t know any better, Mike was just being Mike.

One close friend, whom I will not name, was sincere and without malice when he said there was always “drama” with Mike; not just in how he reported or in what he believed, but also in how he dealt with things in his  personal life,

Whatever was happening, the way you heard about it from Mike was always more urgent or dire than it really was. If he told you he had 10-days to be out, he probably had 30.”


A Need to Be Loved

Mike was proud of — and tickled by, having so many Facebook friends, it made him happy however; after his death, the head of Mike’s Facebook Moderator team, Ali “Maverick” Thomas and I, discovered that Mike rarely – if ever, opened any of the messages he received, let alone read them. Almost all of the private messages in Mike’s Facebook account, from all of these years, remain unopened or he simply deleted them.

That is quite telling.


It is no secret that friends and fans helped Mike in many ways, especially financially and that “help”, to Mike, was even more of an affirmation that he was liked and/or loved. To his credit, the help he received from his fans was genuinely appreciate by Mike and he painstakingly tried to acknowledge each person who donated by responding with a handwritten letter of gratitude.

Mike needed the admiration and attention of people in order to thrive in myriad ways, but those very same people exhausted and frustrated him with what he perceived to be their complacency and/or ignorance and their unwillingness to take his advice and do something now.

There was a carousel of colleagues, associates, business partners and “friends” and there where countless fans who would discover Mike’s work for the first time at some point or other and then begin to follow. Many of Mike’s more recent fans and friends are those who never knew Mike during the mind expanding days, successes and growth of From the Wilderness that had held our hand through the tumultuous times after 9/11 and throughout most of the Bush Administration.

Many of his latest fans and friends didn’t realize the metamorphosis of Mike that those who had known or followed him for a long time had not only witnessed happening, but were themselves – at various times, pillars of support that helped prop Mike up and hang on for as long as he did. There were a few newer friends as well, who had recognized the fragility hidden behind his roar and they too helped Mike maneuver the corridors of his mind as he navigated the dark world of our Government, but they were few.


Many of his newer fans and friends also had no stick with which to measure the depth or duration of Mike’s very real and very personal struggle he’d had with his own mind. Most had no idea that Mike had a real problem.

There were burnt bridges and broken relationships, not just in the FTW days, but throughout the course of Mike’s life including most recently in Crestone, Colorado where he and his long-time friend and band-mate, Doug Lewis, had a falling out. I do not know the details of what happened between them as that is Doug’s story to tell, but I have talked to Doug, and Mike’s departure from Colorado wasn’t really much different than any other time Mike flew the coop.

Few people in Mike’s life, like Carolyn Baker, stuck with Mike through the very end. Carolyn had met Mike and consequently began contributing to FTW in 2000. The two worked together or collaborated together over the many years of their friendship. According to Carolyn, Mike leaned heavily on her those last weeks, calling or contacting her nearly every other day expressing thoughts and feelings of suicide, but this was not the first time Mike had done this.

The merry-go-round of ups and downs batters not only the person who is mentally ill, but also those that are closest to them and the ensuing loss and alienation of all things tattered and torn feeds the cycle of Suicidal Ideation that permeates the daily life of those who experience it. Suicidal Ideation is comparable to an obsession; planning — always planning, for the end, even during times of success or “happiness”, Suicidal Ideation is still tap, tap, tapping away on the sufferer’s shoulder like a reminder.


Getting Help

Community is what will save us. You’re gonna have to do it in conjunction with your neighbors and your family and the people around you. You will fail as a rugged individual; you will survive as a member of a tribe or a family…<stop camera> I have emotion about this, I am losing.” ~ A very emotional and poignant warning from MCR in Collapse


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Mike had a problem, but because of how it presented itself in his life, it was easier for him [and us] to blame situations, people and the world for his symptoms. Denial is its own disease.

I have to wonder if Mike researched his own mental health and varying diagnoses as extensively as he did other things?

I do not know the answer to that.

What Mike needed was help, but the outside world merely took Mike’s state of mind and constant requests for help as that of a man whose life was in danger [real or imagined] because he was telling the things “They” didn’t want told, and so…

… friends and fans helped by sending money, sharing links and trying to engage with him online.

Close friends encouraged him to get professional help, but they were often the “counselors” Mike sought out instead.

We can argue the voracity of “mental health”, it’s causes, the labels and more, but none of that will change the fact that those who suffer whatever you want to call “it” are indeed suffering and the battle Mike had was overwhelming, not just at the end, but for a long time.


Image Source: suicide-warning-signs-mike-ruppert

The body of work Mike left behind is brilliant and immense. As the world continues to careen and collapse around us more people will discover the relevancy of Michael C. Ruppert and that part of his legacy will forever live on with a momentum all its own, but there was a final message from Mike that needs to be shared and there is also a final lesson from Mike that needs to be learned.


From the Wilderness to the Jungle of Venezuela to the Jungle of New York

By 2006 Mike was having extreme difficulty. FTW had fallen apart and Mike’s world was turned inside out; his stage had been pulled — or kicked, from beneath him and in July, he fled to Venezuela after mostly completing the Pat Tillman story.


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Mike said he fled because he feared for his life. As with anyone who does the sort of work Mike did, it is easy to believe lives may have been in danger, but also due to the work itself, we will never really know if that was true. One thing is for sure, many of Mike’s fans believed him and it further cemented in their minds that “truth telling” was a dangerous game.

Mike was a prolific writer. He was also compelling on-camera and in audio in good times and bad and he shared; boy did he share. If it was happening to Mike, everyone knew about it if he wanted you to, and if you were paying attention.

Mike’s more recent friends heard him say he was “no longer a Warrior and was now a teacher.” This was not a new idea to Mike. Mike had said similar things before – including before moving to Colorado in 2010, according to his good friend Jack Martin.

Mike had pulled out of or away from “movements” many times over the years. Mike had a pattern of being publicly on again – off again just as you see in the excerpt of his email to colleagues in November of 2006 that has been released by Jenna Orkin on April 16, 2014 in her ongoing blog series on Mike’s life.

“…anything [sic] I do now will be out of the public eye. Guidance yes, but I need to get offstage for a good long while. That is both a pressure and a drug I need to detox from…” ~ Michael C. Ruppert, Email, Novemeber 2006

I had my first conversation with Mike a year prior to that email. Mike had said he was no longer a part of the “movement” in reference to 9/11 Truth and made it clear to me he wanted to be left alone. He was disgusted by how he viewed the evolution of “Truthers” and was done with the overwhelming “conspiracies” that did little to lend credence to his own hard work.

Imagine my surprise when 4-years later, in the late  spring/early summer of 2009, I found myself working with Mike on a 9/11 Truth project called the Week of Truth (WOT). Sadly, Mike threatened the whole group of us that where working together, with litigation over what he had perceived to be plagiarism of his words used in a proposal put together based on interviews with him, by best-selling author, Steve Alten.

No one had plagiarized anything, but Alten had not specifically credited him for bullet points Mike felt he owned. Mike needed to be recognized.


Jenna and Mike and Bellevue…Oh My

The word “Bipolar” was used a few times in conjunction with PTSD in relation to Mike by doctors and therapists and Mike himself, according to Jenna Orkin, who was quite close to Mike during this time, just as they had been before he’d fled to Venezuela. It was her home in which Mike lived when he returned to the United States in November of 2006 and by December Mike began having “debilitating panic attacks”.

When I arrived in New York in late November [after returning from Venezuela] I was so depressed I could barely speak. Who wouldn’t be depressed? Suicide was on my mind daily. I remembered other great journalists who had died in pain after producing great works. Jonathan Kwitny comes to mind.” ~ Michael C. Ruppert, From the Wilderness, January 31, 2007

A physician friend of Mike’s referred him to his sister, Dr. Faiza Khan, a N.Y. Psychiatrist. Dr. Khan suggested for Mike to seek help at an Emergency Room.


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Jenna and Mike went to the Emergency Room at Bellevue Hospital Center, which is well known [notorious] for its psychiatric facilities. Mike was seen by Dr. Heather Lewerenz, prescribed Valium and then released with an appointment for a follow-up visit.

What is of interest and import (and probably hardly recognized) in Mike’s telling of the Bellevue story is that Mike brought a copy of his book, Crossing the Rubicon, with him to the E.R. that night. He calls the story, “New Years at Bellevue” and it is still archived at FTW. He also points out that Jenna was a “witness” to this story.

Here is an excerpt from Mike’s report where he is talking about the book…

While I was waiting to be seen, there were a bunch of NY cops in the waiting room and one of them recognized me. He had read Rubicon and asked to shake my hand. The other NY cops were very cool and not one of them displayed the “love it or leave it” syndrome. They were actually quite sympathetic.

They all shook my hand and asked me to pass around a copy of Rubicon which I did so they could see it. Jenna was there to witness all this. I told them, truthfully, that I was there because I was having a lot of PTSD. No shit.” ~ Michael C. Ruppert, From the Wilderness, Jan. 31, 2007

At a follow-up to his E.R. visit, Mike was also prescribed the antidepressant, Effexor. After a week on the Effexor Mike was suicidal and was admitted at Bellevue on New Year’s Eve 2006/2007.

Mental health is something that cannot be overlooked in the life and death of Michael C. Ruppert. There is no amount of religion, faith, friendship or brilliance that can change the fact that Mike had problems and the very things that drew us to him are the very things that drove others away.


New White Trash, Doug Lewis and Meeting Jessy Re`

After the documentary Collapse, Mike had again rode the roller coaster of indie media fame and then some; Mike’s message had finally touched the mainstream. Michael C. Ruppert was again the man with the answers; the man people turned to [or attacked].

On July 19, 2012 Mike sent an email to his friend, business partner and Attorney, Wesley Miller. Part of this email again is Mike talking about planning his death. This was a month before he made the move to Colorado.

The weeks since have been, without exception, the happiest time and most growth-filled time of my life. All I did was farm and live with the land and pray. My leaving the company was essential so that you guys would have something to lean on. You have done well. You need the company. I don’t.

48 hours ago I was well into planning suicide out back. I had nowhere to go.The crops are unbelievable. The corn is eight feet high. There will be 50 pounds of potatoes, watermleon, squash, pumpkins and we brought four trees back to producing that didn’t do anything last year; peaches, plums, pears. It’s wonderful.” ~ Michael C. Ruppert email to Wes Miller July 19, 2012

When Mike’s financial and personal world crumbled again, he left Sebastopol, California in August of 2012 with the stated purpose of taking his life. According to his close friend Jack Martin — who helped him pack, Mike had destroyed or otherwise gotten rid of all of his previous research and files prior to making this move.


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Mike headed to the Crestone, Colorado area where he moved in with his long-time friend and New White Trash bandmate Doug Lewis. It was through his friendship with Doug that Mike met Jessy Re`, the woman he fell in love with and spoke of often however, cryptically, on The Lifeboat Hour, calling her a “friend”.

The band was making music, Mike was in love and his spirituality was taking flight.


Image Source: Jessy Re`

As a bandmate, Mike had finally allowed himself to collaborate versus be the “leader”. Although he loved making music, recording music was another way Mike was able to leave a piece of him behind; another body of Mike’s work that would outlive him.


Photo Credit: Cara Tompkins

According to Doug,

Mike was a ‘Soul Man’, <think Blues Brothers>; he was good at dancing and singing. He had a talent always ready to come out.”

I was struck by the Blues Brothers analogy while talking with Doug and their song “Almost” jumped to mind and is quite fitting in retrospect…

Already having had a deep awareness of Mother Earth, Mike’s time in Colorado reinforced and expanded his faith in “Native” ways while his addictions and the bitter cold chipped away at his sanity and sense of self and empowerment.

Mike was overwhelmed. Not because of all the bad things he had uncovered in the world, but by his own issues, his own proclivities and addictions; his own weaknesses as a man. Mike was unable [or unwilling] to take the next step to address or resolve his problems.

Ironically on his April 6, 2014 show, Mike said,

The pain of not changing has become greater than the pain of changing.”

Mike believed that about us and the world, but he obviously didn’t believe that about himself.

Many thought Mike was living a “primitive” life in Crestone and Moffat, Colorado, but that wasn’t exactly true. While Doug’s place is 22+ miles from the nearest anything, it is a nice home fully equipped and comfortable.

To address those who believe Mike was a “survivalist” or “prepper”, Doug (who does keep emergency supplies) said,

Mike was no prepper.  He understood the importance of being prepared for any emergency situation, but took no steps to prepare or to maintain emergency supplies.  Cigarettes would be the exception. Mike identified more with being a ‘warrior’ than as a prepper or survivalist.”


Andy Capper, “Apocalypse, Man” and the Bitter Cold

The idea for Apocalypse, Man didn’t materialize out of the blue. Vice Magazine’s Global Editor, Andy Capper, and Mike met after the release of Collapse. Over the years they discussed many ideas and opportunities and according to Capper, they even discussed the possibility of Mike becoming an occasional “correspondent” for Vice.


Image Source: Vice

In November 2013, Capper, traveled to Crestone, Colorado to film and direct the Apocalypse, Manseries which had a soft release online earlier this year. When I spoke with Capper, he told me filming the series had involved 10-11 hour days. Most of the footage we see is that of Mike talking to us from the Singing Stone Lodge in the San Luis Valley surrounded by the Sangre de Cristo Range; traditionally known as the Black and White Sash or Mother Earth’s Sash. The lodge is owned and maintained by Mike’s friend and spiritual mentor, Christopher Long.

Andy and Mike talked about screening Apocalypse, Man somewhere in Northern California. The actuality of that is still to be determined however, according to Capper, the final release will include at least one previously unreleased scene that will replace another that is less relevant to the series. Capper shared that he has additional footage he may include and or release at a later date.

Some of you may not know this, but the Vice series is not “Apocalypse Man” as in Mike was the “Apocalypse Man.” The title has a comma between the two words and is, “Apocalypse…Maaaaan” <think stoner dude delivery>. That comma meant a lot to Mike and he said so many times when he discussed the series.

Filming was done and by January, Mike and Jessy Re` were talking about their future together, but on February 4, 2014, (his last week in Colorado) Mike was a guest on Higherside Chats (#93). The Vice video segments had already gone live online and something was changing, again, with Mike,

Within in the last two months or so I’ve had a really fundamental change in, in my position. We are in hospice as a species; as a planet. Human industrial civilization and more importantly I think as Terrance McKenna might argue, or Daniel Quinn might argue or Rupert Sheldrake or a lot of my heroes might say, but this, this culture is dying. It is the culture which has to die. Uh, because, it is a meme which is now obviously and transparentl[y] … suicidal.” ~ Michael C. Ruppert Higherside Chats interview February 4, 2014

The winters can be rather harsh in Colorado, especially when you are isolated 21-miles or so from the nearest anything. To Mike, the winters and the territory were unforgiving and untenable; the cold was physically hurting him, the isolation was also taking its toll and his relationship with Doug was becoming strained.

Mike’s shift towards “hospicing” oneself instead of “saving” the world was profound and — in my opinion — was a clue that Mike’s Suicidal Ideation was giving him a run for his money.

As per Mike’s M.O., he once again suddenly sought help from fans and friends and fled Colorado. According to Doug, when Mike left,

His car was smoking and barely ran and he only left with hundreds — not thousands, of dollars.”


Coming Home to California

Mike needed help, again. His finances were bad and he needed a place to live. He wanted out of the cold and ice of the Colorado winter and back into the warmth and sunshine of California. Mike contacted several people in an email blast and when it came down to it, it was the offer of his good friend, 63-year-old Jack Martin from Calistoga, California, that Mike accepted.


Image Source: Jack Martin

Mike’s old Lincoln was barely running and according to Jack, Mike texted and called often, giving him a blow-by-blow of every malfunction and crisis along the way. Jack was afraid the Lincoln wouldn’t make it, but Mike was insistent it would. Jack told me Mike found humor in his car troubles and laughed about the challenges. He seemed happy to be coming home.


Image Source: CollapseNet

In the latter half of February 2014, Michael Ruppert pulled onto 2 ½ acres outside of the city limits of Calistoga after what had been a 18-month adventure in Colorado.


Image Source: CollapseNet

When Jack asked Mike why he chose his offer over other offers, Mike’s reply was typical Mike, deadpan and true to the friendship he and Jack shared when he said,

Because you offered.”

Jack had made the old Airstream trailer livable for Mike. He set it up so that Mike could also work and do his show from there.


Image Source: CollapseNet

The profound thinking Mike was going through during this time can only be pieced together by those he had shared his feelings with – some of which has been shared with me. In Colorado Mike had realized that he, Michael C. Ruppert, was just as unprepared as the rest of us, for the things he believed were coming.

Spiritually, Mike had found comfort in Native American faiths, but tangibly, Mike didn’t have a pot to piss in if shit really suddenly did  hit the fan. I have seen several people claim that Mike was a “prepper”, but this is not true in the literal sense as Mike did not have the means to prep, also, Mike didn’t believe prepping was going to save anyone and taught us the importance of building community.

On January 6, 2011, Mike did say — during a Zeitgeist interview, that he was going to take a survivalist course that coming February,

I’m going to be taking Tom’s [Brown] basic course in February and after that Tom and I are in discussion to start doing weekend seminars around the country.”

But, Mike was not a prepper nor a survivalist.


Where There’s A Will…

Jack told me Mike was on a mission to have a new Will drawn-up immediately upon arriving. Jack says he was obsessed, but clarifies Mike’s reasons had nothing to do with any nefarious fears of Government assignation.

According to Jack [and others], Mike made Wills often, changing who the Executor was each time. Sometimes this was due to fallings-out he had with people, like that of his relationship with Doug Lewis who had been the previous Will’s Executor (before that it had been Wesley Miller, Mike’s last Attorney of Record; his CollapseNet business partner and friend).


The last Will, which Jack is the legal Executor of, is a 4-page document, mostly containing instruction as to who is to do what regarding his social media accounts, his show, his dog “Rags” and so on.

Also upon Mike’s arrival in California, he stressed to Jack that he no longer had any government or otherwise dangerous files in his possession, including on his computer’s hard drives. He had gotten rid of everything 2-years prior, before moving to Colorado and wanted Jack to be aware of what would or would not be on his property.

This picture was taken just  a couple of weeks before Mike took his life. In the image with Mike is Jack Martin’s son Jack Jr. and his grandson Ian.


Image Source: Jack Martin

According to Jack, Mike had been getting to know Jack’s family in those weeks he was living there and said Mike seemed to enjoy spending time with his grandchildren and even the craftsmen that worked on the property. He would tell stories around the fire-pit for whoever was listening and his time there was spent peacefully and this beautiful view is what Mike was looking act where he stood in those seconds before pulling the trigger and ending his life.


Image Source: CollapseNet

Jack and his wife live in town, within the city limits of Calistoga, not out on the property where Mike lived. Jack’s daughter, her husband and their children and his son lived on the property with Mike. Between them and the craftsmen, Mike had daily “neighbors”.

Jack noted that Mike had never been alone on those 2 ½ acres until the evening he took his life.


Into the “Matrix”: Mike Goes to Seattle

Mike was working on a treatment or pilot for a mainstream series. It was all hush-hush so there are few available details.


Mike did tell his listeners the new show would bring him some much needed funds while not putting him in the position of having to compromise who he was. He said, “They want Mike Ruppert full-tilt” and he seemed prepared to give it to them. He also mentioned he would be interviewing Dr. John W. Apsley, II while in Seattle. I have been in contact with. Dr. Apsley and he is interested in talking if or when he is legally released from his NDA.

On his April 6 show, Mike told us a  chauffeured Town Car would pick him up from the property at 8:00 the next morning to take him to the Santa Rosa Airport where he would be flying on Alaska Airline’s to Seattle to meet with the entertainment company he was working with. He also mentioned he’d be put up in a Marriott Courtyard Suite.

While in Seattle, Mike contacted Jack and others who say he had used the same “Matrix” language he did in his Facebook post when he returned on April 10.

On April 10, two-hours after he returned to Calistoga from Seattle, Mike made a post to his Facebook wall.


Image Source: Facebook

He also posted a Craigslist ad (post id: 4418602353) seeking a place for himself, Jessy Re` and her son. He noted he would like it to have enough room for a horse when he was financially stable.  Mike’s ad has since expired and been removed by Craigslist however, I took a screen shot documenting it below. It can also be found in the slide show at the end of this article along with other pieces of documentation.


Image Source: Craigslist

I’ve seen much speculation over Mike’s trip to Seattle from which he returned a few days before taking his life. Is Seattle the reason Mike did this? Did something happen in Seattle? The answer to that question is both, “yes” and “no”. Nothing happened in Seattle that caused Mike to commit suicide beyond being faced further with his own reality after reentering “society” after having been isolated from that same “society”, for a year and a half in Colorado.

Mike had indeed, “stepped back into the Matrix” and the “Matrix” had the power to both save and take, Mike’s life because it was everything Mike taught against, but it isn’t what killed Mike.

There is not further information at this time on what the Seattle trip was all about or what will become of a footage, etc. involved with it.


The Hundredth Monkey and “Mike’s”, Not the “Lakota’s” Way

Documented by his grandiose highs and heartbreakingly lows, Mike was not joking when he spoke of wanting to take his life. His feelings were real to him and those who knew or followed Mike bore witness.

We have read and heard Mike speak on and thank “God” in the past, but over the years his gratitude and spirituality leaned more towards that of Native American and other Indigenous faiths. It should be noted that not all of the people who participated with Mike during his time in Colorado were blood Natives. Just like everything else, we stereotype “faith”.

I cannot responsibly tell the story of Mike’s suicide, his “sacrifice”, without making it clear that what Mike did, the suicide itself is not in line with the true Lakota faith and/or their “flesh offering”. I contacted several blood Lakotas and according to a Lakota woman from South Dakota’s Pine Ridge Indian Reservation, suicide is not a part of their belief nor their ceremonies or rituals. There are lots of places you can find out more about Lakota faith and the “Sun Dance” also known as the “flesh offering”.

That does not mean that Mike didn’t believe – or want us to believe, he was sacrificing himself; his “flesh” for [us] “the children”. Either way, he intentionally included his faith in not only his words, but also in the final act itself. Notice the feather in Mike’s hands? Remember it.


Image Source: Apocalypse, Man

The words he left behind in his many notes, emails and posts were not arbitrary ramblings; they were euphoric yet resigned; peaceful yet violent; hopeful yet hopeless…they were a warning.

The Planet was Mike’s “God”. Mother Earth is the “Mother” in Mike’s note that he asked Jack to return his body to. Mike’s real mother passed away many years ago and the only family the Napa County Coroner and Sheriffs could locate was a single female cousin named Sherry Colliton in Charleston, North Carolina. This cousin was also on a list of people in Mike’s Will as someone to be contacted.

Some of Mike’s very closest ties at the end of his life were to those who have, what some consider, alternative ideas on life before death. “Hospice” or “Hospicing” is nothing new however, it is a term many do not know or understand the meaning of, especially in relation to someone that is not known to be terminally ill. For some of Mike’s friends, their involvement with “hospicing” made them a ready target of criticism and blame from those who have no grasp of how the concept pertained to Mike.

Did the support, counsel and friendship Mike received from people like Carolyn Baker or Guy McPherson cause or enable him to take his life? No.

It would however, stand to reason that their collective calmness and wisdom over the years offered Mike a sort of peace with himself that he didn’t or couldn’t find in others and I hope it washed over him when he needed it most.

We always knew it could come to this. To write about Mike requires the tranquility of recollection but at the moment, all is turmoil.” ~ Jenna Orkin, Mike Ruppert Blogspot, April 15, 2014

An expected death can still be shocking.” ~ Barry Zwicker — author and activist and media critic, speaking of death in relation to Mike’s suicide on the Global Research News Hour, April 23, 2014

In the second to the last The Lifeboat Hour show, Mike talks about all of the changes he sees taking place in people [not things or situations] around the world; he points out the growing leadership of women again and he talks about changes taking place in him. It is worth re-listening to, especially now to hear in hindsight of his death.


Image Source:

Try as he might, Mike never found his “hundredth monkey” although he was followed and admired by tens of thousands of people around the world he couldn’t get us to effectively do the things that needed to be done to stop the coming collapse. Just as he taught about like Peak Oil, Mike believed we had also peaked as a planet and species hence his many warnings of “there is no more time”.

Michael C. Ruppert, “Truth Tracker”; our “Scout” from the wilderness of the industrialized civilization was trying to tell us the time for all he previously taught us, his 25-point plan, had passed.

Stop asking crazy people whether you’re sane or not.” ~ Michael C. Rupport, The Lifeboat Hour, April 6, 2014

Mike believed the time had come for dealing with our own selves as human beings, to address what was coming and how we were going to deal with it. It wasn’t about stopping anything anymore; it was about preparing spiritually and building a lifeboat, community or tribe.


The Tell-Tale Signs From an Expert

My earlier release of one of Mike’s “suicide” notes caught the attention of Treyce Montoya, MPsyD – Psychologist, forensic handwriting expert (specializing in suicide notes), and award-Winning Author. Treyce is an esteemed and much sought-after expert in her field and I am thankful for her insight and graciousness in allowing me to pick her brain.

Treyce had never heard of Michael C. Ruppert [or his work] prior to seeing that first note. With a completely unbiased or predetermined opinion she shared her professional thoughts with me after looking over all five of the handwritten notes (provided by me) that Mike had left at the scene, 

The uniqueness in the bipolar note vs. others is the [writer’s] predictable unpredictability; wishy-washy, depressed – elated, etc.. Just as you see in their actions, you see in their writing. All of the samples [notes] show the same bipolar tendencies AND suicidal ideations – severe – one of the worst cases of suicidal ideations I have seen in 27 years.” ~ Treyce Montoya, MPsyD – Psychologist and forensic handwriting expert

I asked Treyce whether someone else could have written some or all of the notes and her response was,

If he did not write them all – someone else is just as suicidal and likely related to him since the similarities [between notes]that I did notice are dead-on.” ~ Treyce Montoya, MPsyD – Psychologist and forensic handwriting expert

In addition, as you will see — at the end of this article, in the minute by minute timeline of Mike’s last day, Mike was a very busy man and according to Treyce,

I cannot give you a timeline per se [as to when exactly he wrote each note], but he is extremely suicidal on all of them. Because he felt euphoric because of that decision, he could have very easily written those over a more extended timeframe. He could have easily done his last show after he wrote the notes – especially if he did not want anyone to be suspicious of his intent and/or try to prevent it. The “Rags” note was euphoric – his decision was made and he was happy and at peace so it was likely very close to the end of his life.” ~ Treyce Montoya, MPsyD – Psychologist and forensic handwriting expert


Mike’s Suicide

Some will argue whether taking one’s own life is a God given right or a Godforsaken sin. I am not here to argue anything. I am here only to share the facts as I know them in order to help clear some of the ongoing speculation and/or denial surrounding Mike’s suicide. Your feelings on his final act will mostly be filtered through whatever are your own spiritual beliefs, but mental health is a disease of the brain that affects how those who suffer with it think and more importantly feel.

Suicidal Ideation brought on by Depression, Bipolar and/or PTSD is debilitating. The thoughts and planning are ever present. In the phone, Doug Lewis described it well when he called it “perennial planning” because it is.

Many people are having trouble understanding why Mike would do this when it appeared things were looking up for him; a new show, a new woman, a new life and more. John Lennon’s words from long ago were not meant in this context however, they perfectly describe that aspect of Suicidal Ideation.

Life is what happens to you, while you’re busy making other plans.” ~ John Lennon

While Mike spent more than a decade planning his death, he still went on living life as if otherwise. Suicidal Ideation is an appendage only the bearer can see. I hope these writings will help open minds, eyes and hearts to a point of understanding of how painful and pervasive it can be.


On April 13, 2014 Michael C. Ruppert ended his battle; not with the Government or the “elite”, but with his own mind. It is not up to us to judge and the speculation over alternative possibilities as to how he died, need to stop.

Mike was an ex-cop and In Truth and Lies of 9/11 he taught us the importance of  going about our truth-telling,

There is a procedure that you follow, when you are presenting evidence. There is a way that you structure evidence to avoid speculation.” ~ MCR, Truth and Lies of 9/11

Mike hated “conspiracies” and especially in relation to himself. Unfounded speculation and the ensuing virility of that speculation – on any given subject, were the very things that exasperated and infuriated Mike for years and the thing he hoped to avoid in his own death.

None of us knew more about a crime scene than Mike. Not only did Mike go about his life’s work as if each story was a case; planning his own his death wasn’t any different.

The estimated “official” time of death – along with the toxicology results will be included when the final Coroner’s report comes out. The report is expected to contain the same information as their initial preliminary report which was:

Mike died of a single gunshot wound to the right temple which exited the left side of his head. When authorities arrived they pronounced him dead at 9:05 PM. This is not Mike’s actual time of death, just when he was “declared” deceased. Be warned, the language in the preliminary report is graphic.


Image Source: Wesley Miller/CollapseNet


Image Source: Wesley Miller/CollapseNet


Image Source: Wesley Miller/CollapseNet


Image Source: Wesley Miller/CollapseNet


Image Source: Wesley Miller/CollapseNet

I can also give you a timeline of the events as they are documented from all that Mike did on late afternoon Saturday, April 12 and all day Sunday April 13 up to the point of taking his life.

It has been determined by me and others, that it is very unlikely Mike could have written all of the handwritten notes as well as at least one email and a FaceBook post – which were also suicide “notes”, from the time he completed his last show on The Lifeboat Hour to the time he died.

Understanding this probability, one must then understand he most likely had hosted his entire final show knowing he was going to take his life afterwards.

That’s heavy.

It is especially heavy to those Mike had been interacting with on the phone, online and in person those last two-days.

In addition, some that were close to Mike – much closer to him than I, believe he didn’t make the decision to take his life until sometime Sunday afternoon. The contents of the message Mike left in his note to Jessy Re` said clearly,

I did not decide until today.


I did not know until today.”

It should be reminded that Jessy Re` had just left Calistoga the day before. She had been visiting with Mike on her way to visit her child’s father in Oregon.

There are other people close to Mike who, like myself, believe Mike had at least been heavily contemplating as early as late Saturday afternoon if not in fact already putting his plan into motion and saying his goodbyes. What I am going to show you is what Mike did before he took his life and fill in some of the blanks left behind by Jack and others.

You can determine for yourself based on the evidence I have collected – with much appreciated help, in the timeline below.


The Scene

As you will [or may have already] seen in the video Wesley Miller filmed of Jack Martin walking you through the area of the property where Mike lived and died. Jack discusses the timeline of how it unrolled after Mike took his life. The video helps give more perspective to the scene itself. The video is not of Mike or any “crime scene” left behind. Everything has been cleaned up. You will also notice the bottle of alcohol on the shelf behind Jack as he is talking from inside the trailer.

Jack’s property was only 2 ½ acres and there were several people living on or working on the property at all times.

On the outside of Mike’s trailer there were two handwritten notes. They were not taped on the door as I had earlier reported when I released the Second series of notes, and were instead taped just to the right of the door. Both of these notes were the notes Mike meant specifically for anyone that approached the trailer to see; one was instructions not to go inside or touch anything; the other a prayer or poem Mike wrote that is similar in language to all of the message had Mike left behind, except the one he left with his dog “Rags” inside of his Lincoln.


Image Source: Jack Martin

Image Source: Jack Martin

On the inside of the trailer there were two notes; one was addressed specifically to Jessy Re` and the other to Jack. I shared the letter written to Jack when I released the first note. I will not be sharing the letter written to Jessy Re` as it belobgs to her and is personal. Also inside the trailer Mike had left out his Will which had a list of people for Jack to contact.




Mike was a very busy man over the weekend, particularly on the day he passed away. He spent a lot of time on Facebook. I am not going to list every single  “like”, “share”, “comment” or “post” Mike made, he was as prolific in the Facebook world as he was anywhere else. I am also not going to add in the times of him playing Backgammon on Facebook, which he played quite a lot of.

April 12, 2014

10:27 AM PST Mike “Likes” this Video posted on his FaceBook wall.


3:07 PM PST Mike called his good friend Guy McPherson and spoke with him for 3 minutes and 48 seconds.

Mike called me Saturday night as I was about to deliver a presentation. He told me he loved me and respected my work. We spoke for only a few minutes. Now I know he was calling to say goodbye.” ~ Guy McPherson

7:13 PM PST  Mike posts Terrence McKenna’s, Opening the Doors of Creativity. His words and those he quotes are quite profound. Mike’s decision had been made.


7:39 PM PST Mike comments in his Terrence McKenna post. It is obvious Mike is contemplating heavy things this night.


8:39 PM PST Mike references both Mimi German’s post and Chante Pierce’s post and says, the “women are leading”. He tags several individuals.


9:41 PM PST  Mike “Likes” Chante Pierce’s Edgar Cayce post about End Time prophecies.


9:42 PM PST  Mike “Likes” Mimi German’s post about the, “Con”.

I believe, as early as Saturday, April 12, Michael C. Ruppert was already putting his  plan in motion. Mike knew he would have the property where he lived, to himself the next evening. He knew Jack’s family would be gone.

Mike has had the means and motive, but now, he had the opportunity.

APRIL 13, 2014

8:49 AM PST  Mike makes his first post of the day with a link about the importance of the Bundy Ranch issue (he makes several posts and comments on the Bundy Ranch situation throughout the day).

9:41 AM PST  Mike emails Jack talking about needing to make an appointment to get his car fixed and get a ride to do so. He ends the email with, “Beautiful day.”

9:42 – 9:46 AM PST  AM Brief phone call with Jessy Re`

12 PM PST  Mike emails Mimi German and Carolyn Baker about the upcoming show that night

12:16 PM PST  Mike calls bullshit on a Guardian article about climate change.

12:41 PM PST  Mike emails Mimi German and Carolyn Baker again about upcoming show and says to them, “Let’s give the people some empathy tonight.”

12:45 PM PST  Mike posts to Mimi that he is “calling [her] now”.


2:15PM – 3:15PM PST  (APX) Jack visits with Mike on the property in the 1100 block of Tubbs Lane, Calistoga, CA.

3:19 PM PST  Mike shares a link to oil pipeline story


3:28 PM PST Mike posts this in his thread about the Bundy Ranch.


3:41 PM PST Mike comments in the Bundy Ranch thread again and has this exchange.

3:44 PM PST Mike emails Mimi German and Carolyn Baker about the upcoming show however; in this email Mike ends with, “I’ll have one song at the bottom of the show. We all know what to do.”

4 PM PST Mike sent an email to Jessy Re`to say, “I love you.”

4:08 PM PST Mike “Likes” a photo on Guy McPherson’s wall. The photo is of Guy taken the night before, after a presentation at the University of Rhode Island. Mike called Guy before this presentation.

4:40 PM PST Mike posts Gary Null’s link promoting Mike’s show that night.


6:04 PM PST The Lifeboat Hour radio show begins

6:43 PM PST Mike posts this


7 PM PST The Lifeboat Hour radio show ends

7:04 PM PST Mike “Likes” Ali “Maverick” Thomas’ post on his wall


7:04 PM PST Mike “Likes” Mimi German’s post on his wall.

7:34 PM PST Mike makes a very dramatic, violently dire final post on his FaceBook wall. Notice how he signs off. That phrase is in the Lakota language and means, “we are all related”.


7:35 PM PST Mike emails 12 of his closest friends – all CC’s on his “Prayer”. Mimi German and Ali Maverick Thomas are 2 of the 12, the others are redacted for their privacy and/or because there was not time to get their consent before this publication.


mike for the children email 2

7:35 PM PST At least – of the 12 individuals CC’d, it is confirmed that at least, Mimi German and Ali “Maverick” Thomas received Mike’s email of his prayer in real-time. They were online when Mike sent it. According to both, they took it “metaphorically”.

7:45 PM PST Mike emails Jack Martin


8:30 PM PST (APX) Jack Martin first sees Mike’s email. He and his family leave in two vehicles to property.

8:43 PM PST (APX) Jack Martin arrives at the property — approximately 60-seconds behind his daughter who had driven to the end of the long driveway to the back of the property where Mike’s trailer was located and was returning back down the driveway when Jack was pulling in. They stopped in opposite directions where Jack’s son-in-law told Jack, “It doesn’t look good Jack”.

8:44 PM PST (APX) Jack drove straight to the “blue and white GMC” (as mentioned in Mike’s email) and because of his headlights he saw a body on the ground. Jack did not realize or even think the body on the ground belonged to Mike.

8:45 PM PST (APX) Jack goes to the trailer looking for Mike. In his haste and in the dark, Jack did not notice the two notes Mike had carefully taped to the trailer door.

Immediately upon entering the trailer, Jack saw two notes; one note for him and the other for Jessy Re`. He immediately called 911 at that point, realizing what happened.

8:47 PM PST (APX) Jack heads to the blue and white GMC where he’d seen a body

8:49 PM PST Jack  calls 911

9:05 PM PST (APX) One local Calistoga police officer arrives to secure Jack and the scene while waiting for Napa County Sheriff’s to arrive (the property is outside of Calistoga city limits and local Calistoga officials had no jurisdiction). Mike is pronounced dead on the scene.

9:17 PM PST One Napa County Sheriff,  that had been in the vicinity arrives on the scene.

10:17 PM PST (APX) PM PST Two Investigators arrive from Napa County

It was shortly before midnight when Mike’s body was removed and the authorities left the property.


Final Thoughts…

Case closed.

There is no conspiracy here. There is however, an important message, Mike’s last warning and it is loud and clear,

There is no more time.”

Mike’s message was about doing. He had already given us the knowledge, ad nauseam.

Knowing about things and doing something — not only about them, but also to prepare for them, i.e. the Lifeboat, are two different things. Too many times he taught and fought, to give us everything his brilliant mind had to offer, so that we, “the children”; the custodians; the caretakers; the stewards of this planet, which is a gift from, “the Mother”, could stop what has only become – to Mike, over the course of his lifetime of studies, the inevitable collapse.

The excesses and excuses of the world were too much for Mike. Mike didn’t want a follower, he wanted a teammate walking the walk alongside him literally doing the work, but even Mike himself realized in the end, that he too was wholly unprepared for the reality of what we were facing and his personal demons and troubles with addictions got the best of him.

We have all heard Mike say the end was, “happening now”. In addition, if you were to ask him when exactly, he would say, ‘It’s happening now, yesterday, and tomorrow.”

We heard his dire warnings many times over the years. The mechanisms and the madness driving us to collapse had been upon us for a long time and what Mike was trying to tell us is we needed to do something to prepare now, not just talk about it.

As most people do when they are faced with impending death, Mike prepared himself spiritually, especially and most specifically while he was in Colorado. Mike embraced the Native American faith(s) and their ways of living and although what he did was not the true meaning of their ceremonial flesh offering, by extension of the sentiment behind it, Mike had finally found comfort in taking action on his deep-rooted and long-time desire to end his life.

When Mike’s body was found, laying on the ground above his head was the feather I mentioned before. The feather was given to him by his mentor while in Colorado and it was Mike’s most prized possession at the time of his death. He had kept the feather in a special place in the trailer and had only the week before shown it to Jack and told him it’s significance.

Few people knew about the feather or what it meant to Mike.


NOTE: Thank you to Carolyn Baker, Wesley Miller, Guy McPhereson, Andrea Long, Jessy Re`, Andy Capper, Wonder Bob, Mimi German,  Stephanie Combden, and Doug Lewis. Extra special thanks to Jack Martin, Ali “Maverick” Thomas and Jenna Orkin. I couldn’t have done this without all of you. Thank you.

For more info/background on the death of Michael C. Rupport:

Crossing Over the Rubicon: R.I.P. Michael C. Ruppert

Sunday, April 13, after finishing what would be his last, The Lifeboat Hour, radio show, whistle-blower, activist, author, American hero, Michael C. Ruppert, allegedly shot himself, taking his own life. Getting the … READ MORE

Michael C. Ruppert Suicide Note Released

Yesterday I published a piece about the Sunday, April 13, suicide of radio show host, whistle-blower, activist, author and American hero, Michael C. Ruppert. Today I would like to update the readers … READ MORE

Michael C. Ruppert Left Four Notes and a Poem

On Wednesday I reported that Michael C. Ruppert left two “suicide” notes behind – one that was addressed to “Jack” which I published here, and another addressed to Mike’s partner “Jessy Re”. This information … READ MORE

Wise Woman Media Discusses Michael C. Ruppert’s Life and Legacy

Let’s Talk Tonight! For those following along wanting more information or simply heartfelt commiseration, I will be joining Carolyn Baker on  Wise Woman Media with Anita Stewart… READ MORE

Michael C. Ruppert’s Death and “Rags” the Dog

As I mentioned, there were a total of four “notes” and a poem strategically left behind by Michael C. Rupport. One of those notes, involves Mike’s best pal, his dog “Rags”. At … READ MORE

Michael C. Ruppert Said “YOU Don’t Read”

The piece that most of you are waiting for is already being written. This article will include the details and a time-line of Mike’s last day along with more pieces … READ MORE
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64 comments on “From the Wilderness Forward, What Really Happened to Michael C. Ruppert

  1. Pingback: From the Wilderness Forward, What Really Happened to Michael C. Ruppert | Cheri Speak | Joe Blum's Blog

  2. Ted Howard
    May 2, 2014

    Thank you Cheri!
    Very clear, well laid out…great work, even at this sad time.
    Kai Kaha and arohanui.


    • Cheri
      May 2, 2014

      Thank you. That was a lot of work and it wasn’t an easy subject :/


      • Devin Nicholas
        May 2, 2014

        I’m sure it must have been very difficult for you, but we all very much appreciate it.

        Did you happen to learn anything about the 3rd book he was writing? He had been talking about it for a while (and it was even mentioned in his Craigslist ad), but I’m not sure what state it was in. Were the writings recovered, and if so, are there any plans to publish or release them?


      • Cheri
        May 2, 2014

        Yes. He only completed the 1st chapter and although Mike had alluded that it was the end of a trilogy, that is not really the case as the book he was writing was autobiographical. He gave it to Jack.


      • Cheri
        May 2, 2014

        I DO know the title, however until Jack decides what he wants to do with it, I will refrain from sharing that.


  3. Devin Nicholas
    May 2, 2014

    Thanks Cheri!


  4. Alan Cook
    May 2, 2014

    Did you know that psyciatrics has the highest suicide rate of all proffesions? I know quite a bit of the psychiatric field and it got it’s positve sides, but also very negative and dangerous sides. But I won’t go into that. Instead I wanted to comment my view on why it has the highest suicide rate. A good psyciatrics should know more of the workings of the human mind than the ordinary person (thought that’s not always the case). But yet this don’t seem to help. Furthermore there has been studies showing that patients undergoing psychriatry is less likely to recover!! So what is happening here? Excrept they drugs which (in my opinion) are nothing but snake oil. The problem is that they put more importance on thoughts & the mind. In other words they are trying to fix the problem with that which is the problem. Sometimes this works! it is more liable to work on “simple minded” people, cause what most psycriatrist are trying to do is to readjust the patient to a “normal” state of mind so they can cope and be somewhat productive in society. This only works for certain kinds of people, it works for those with the karma to live an ordinary life. For the others which karma is to go beyond it won’t work. What these people need to thrive might actually be a psychotic episode where the mind spins totally out of control. This is the fever phase. The healing happens afterwards when they start to see the transparency of thought, that thought appear and dissapear from nothing. This is the practice of meditation. One simply observes the thought, one do not give them energy cause after some practice on realizes their empty nature. So then the mind goes from being master to servant, and life get’s as peachy as the life of a mortal can be.


    • Cheri
      May 2, 2014

      Alan, hi. Thanks for the comment.
      First let me say I am HUGE advocate against pharmaceuticals, but that is another story which can be found here: Medicine Money; a Prescription for Legal Bribery
      Secondly, I have had 4 psychotic episodes in MY life and trust me, there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING “peachy” afterwards.


      • Alan Cook
        May 3, 2014

        I had one psychotic episode when I was 10 years ago, and I tribute it as part of my awakening. Cause it was not “me” it was all a manifestation of all the dirt I had picked up in, like a fever that removes harmful organisms from the body.


  5. Treyce Montoya's Blog
    May 2, 2014

    Reblogged this on Treyce Montoya's Blog and commented:
    Scroll down to # 15 — where she mentions my work 🙂 Thanks Cheri! ❤


  6. Marilyn Taylor
    May 2, 2014


    Bless you for doing this. And for your forbearance, backbone, and determination to keep at it. I can feel that it was a work of both great love and equally great pain,


  7. Martin Cahill
    May 2, 2014

    thanks Cheri, You have confirmed what I wondered and some denied= Mike’s depression. Yes I read it all except for the preliminary report. I leaves me saddened.


    • Cheri
      May 2, 2014

      Mike’s contribution to our history is significant, and nothing can change that. 🙂


      • Martin Cahill
        May 4, 2014

        That is so true for me from Rubicon onwards. One day we may put this behind us and just be left with the good he did and said: that is my prayer as a suicide survivor.


  8. Pingback: From the Wilderness Forward, What Really Happened to Michael C. Ruppert | Unmutual76

  9. Bonnie
    May 2, 2014

    This is the most in depth coverage of Michael Ruppert, the human being, I have read. Thank You. I will miss him.


  10. Alex Smith
    May 3, 2014

    I think this report is excellent, but lacks Mike’s struggles with substance abuse. His alcoholism was a large part of his life, as he told us on The Lifeboat Hour. He did not tell us, and you do not tell us, that he was drinking again.

    Also, his experience with peyote was not a good trip. He told us that others had to help him through extreme panic. This matters, because in his last show he spoke of seeing frightening visions at the foot of his bed each morning, that made him fear to wake up. These could be continuing from the drug he took.

    Mind-altering drugs were a part of his later life, as his admiration for Terrance McKenna showed. Mike talked about them often. I’m not blaming his suicide on drugs, but saying these were not good for an older person already unstable, and a known alcohol addict. They may have been a factor, which should in my opinion be included in this story, even in a small way.

    As someone who lost a loved one to suicide, and was left to live with that all my life, I sympathize also for those close to Mike (although it sounds like few were).

    I just spoke with Richard Heinberg about Mike’s death. Richard knew Mike for years. My question: was Mike’s death a kind of “leader burn-out”, related to knowing too much about the troubles of the world?

    Richard replied he thought it was more a personal decision, rather than a reflection on any movement as a whole. That’s important for people to know, those of us who continue to struggle with many of the issues Mike raised.

    Alex Smith
    Radio Ecoshock


    • Cheri
      May 3, 2014

      Hi and thank you very much. You are correct. Here is why I have little on that in this piece…No one I spoke with really wanted to talk much about it as far as any confirmation of last/current usages. Mike was himself on the record to his last and latest fans on his show about experimenting, but that doesn’t ell me when was the last time and if he was done with that..yanno? I say merely in this piece that he had addictions that he could not deal with or control. In the video Jack Martin and Wes made, you can clearly see the alcohol bottle in the background on the shelf. Alcohol and many other drugs and even medications interact horribly with Bipolar as well, which obviously I want to address however; the toxicology report wont be out for a bit. When it does, I can better address those things. I AM curious what it will reveal. My own assumptions is they will find alcohol and marijuana, but I have been wondering if he “took a trip” at the end as well or had it in his system showing more current use. I know he used a lot while in CO, but it is uncertain about CA.


      • Emillie Johnston
        November 20, 2015

        i dont think his drinking and what ever he smoked was important , what he knew was a very big burden for anyone to carry , he really wanted to see that one hundredth monkey he needed that for peace of mind he wanted to see healing of the earth and water and air so the children had a future and for people to stop worshiping money as their God wrecking the earth for profit , he was a very sensitive man with a very good moral compass and we need more people like him in this world , i didnt know him personally but i would have loved to know him , God Bless you Michael rest in peace God knew your heart and he knew your pain he is going to make everything knew again and you will be with him in paradise God almighty ( Jehovah) is going to step in and know one knows the day or hour that he is coming make no mistake he will come with no delay , He promises so everyone should get right with God and start loving their neighbour and the earth and respecting the elements that give us life and quit worshiping money ,


  11. planettrout
    May 3, 2014


    Mike was my first sponsor in AA. I had known him since 1993, when we both worked at the same gun emporium in North Hollywood, CA. He moved to Washington D.C, in 1994, when he got married, and sent me the first draft of a newsletter called FTW, before returning to Los Angeles after the marriage dissolved.He told me that this fixation with suicide had been with him since he got sober in 1983.

    Mike was a member of AA until April 2004. I was with him for a big 9-11 event in San Francisco in March of that year and remember walking with him to our respective hotels and Mike pointing towards at least three bars and exclaiming, “I could go in there and have a drink!”. Finally, I asked him, “What the hell are you romancing?”

    It was evident to those of us that knew him that he was already on his way – out the door. He had changed sponsors, stopped going to meetings, sponsoring newcomers and being of service. In my experience, I am still sober, that thing he claimed to have had ,called alcoholism, was out in the parking lot doing push-ups… just waiting. He no longer had a support system and was accountable to no one.

    That thing, between Mike’s ears,was out to make him miserable,angry,lonely,depressed, irritable, controlling, manipulative, self-serving and irrational…it robbed him of his once strong spiritual connection and finally – it killed him…

    Seen it – way too many times.

    Tim B./Planettrout


    • Cheri
      May 3, 2014

      Thank you.


      • Tim Steinkamp
        July 14, 2018

        Through the 911 truth I had heard of Michael and was interested in the murder aspect but your thorough article answered my concerns except his inner issues. You talked of his Valium and Exoffer usage from emergency visits to the hospital. I am 60 and you don’t say anything about him just being 60. You keep talking of his bi-polar and addiction problems. I have used LSD and mushrooms years ago. I look at alcohol as a medicine if used in therapeutic doses. People, men, using nicotine is a known issue for problems of the mind. There are nicotine receptors in your brain. Mike was so anti drug that he couldn’t wrap his head around the idea that maybe amphetamines and subsequently meth amphetamines could have helped in therapeutic doses. Amphetamines do not destroy the body. I think it is a wonder drug. I believe I am ADHD.

        Mike was 63. If you look on IMDB you find many “performing” men dying at this age range. At this age many men feel they are getting old. They get fatigued. They feel old and unattractive. We know it is all down hill from here. It will never get better. I’m sure some women feel the same. If Mike was bi-polar then wouldn’t he have been on lithium? I would like to know his use of medication and if it included amphetamines. There is a prominent mathematician that used amphetamines from 60 till his death at 83. Paul from Hungary.


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  18. katerina1313
    May 4, 2014

    This beautifully written piece was painful to read & assimilate.
    Thank you Cheri for helping us to navigate & illuminate the mystery we call Michael.

    Sitting with so many thoughts after reading the entire script, in particular the “Coroner’s Report”, a feeling of voyeurism immediately blanketed me. It is unclear
    if Michael directed this information about his passing to be made for public viewing.

    I respectfully submit, although it was painfully clear he was suicidal for many years, he was not a young man & was extremely productive throughout his 63 years of life. He was a paradox. He lived “out loud” as it also appears he lived in a “holding pattern”.

    From what has been revealed about Michael thus far, it appears he had great respect for life & lived “wide open”. Over the years & many places he planted himself, he had ample time & opportunities to take his own life, he chose otherwise.
    This speaks volumes about his courage & willingness to carry on (63 yrs.) despite his suicidal rhetoric.

    It is a great blessing to have never experienced suicidal whisperings, however brief, when confronted with unbearable sadness or despair. Perhaps the verbalization of suicidal thoughts at that moment, is in fact a form of self preservation, a relief mechanism.

    “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
    – J Krishnamurti

    He was a provocative teacher. I’m sure Michael would agree with Alan Watts views on teaching methods:
    “If I don’t exaggerate no one will listen. You have to make outrageous statements but with the warning to your listeners that you’re only doing it for effect, to get your point across, to provoke thought.” Thank you Michael for awakening us in your own unique way.

    It is highly likely in his final days he was actually well adjusted, ready & at peace with his fulfilled purpose on this planet. Death is not necessarily the worst thing in life.

    His final message might reflect the Beautiful HOPI Prophecy (I Believe)
    “When the time comes, push off from the shore into the current. Do not try to hold on to anything on the shore. Push deeper into the current….And pay attention to who you meet there.”

    Thank you Michael for sharing yourself with the world, I am forever grateful.



  19. Tom Robinson
    May 4, 2014

    This will stand as part of the definitive historical record. MCR was destroyed by his inability to overcome nihilism. Kerouac endured the same fate, although his means of self-annihilation were different. To be a true cultural hero one must be able to face, absorb, and then transcend the horrors of our Age.
    This MCR was unable in the end to do, but I commend him for trying. He will be missed.


  20. Marilyn Taylor
    May 6, 2014


    Did you forget to post the two left yesterday (above)?


    • Cheri
      May 7, 2014

      I am in the hospital Marilyn. I will release and address your posts when I am able to respond to them.


      • Marilyn Taylor
        May 7, 2014

        Cheri, I am very sorry to hear this. I wish you very well. Won’t ask you more about it, knowing that you’ll share more with others if and as you feel comfortable doing so. One thing I know is that we’re all feeling the effects of Mike’s passing. It’s also amazing how much we can assume (as the saying goes, “making an a** out of you and me!”)

        Thank you for the opportunity to share insights and dialogue.


      • Cheri
        May 8, 2014

        I have an ongoing health issue which took me to the ER but while there they found a mass on my left kidney and admitted me. Still at hosp and using my phone to post this.


  21. Girish Jois
    May 9, 2014

    One of the greatest persons, I had ever know; always present for me.


  22. Tate Ulsaker
    May 17, 2014

    This was hugely insightful. If you know anyone who suffers from bi-polar type of behavior, this will illuminate because Mike was an extreme case. He was hugely talented and intelligent, but this condition plagued him, drove him, and eventually conquered him (my interpretation only). Of course it didn’t have to go that way but in Mike’s mind, it was the only way. You either adjust to how Mike wants it done or you become part of the problem… sheesh, poor guy. It was more than ego, it was a disorder.

    Having said that, Mike’s work on many fronts is foundational to where much of the so-called “truth movement” is today. Nothing will take that away from him. He was and is a great man of our age. I wish it didn’t happen the way it happened. The disconnect we suffer from on earth is perhaps felt more strongly by some than by others. Maybe the survivors are the ones who are mentally ill, at least to some extent, being somewhat better adjusted to a profoundly ill society.


  23. Jordan Applegren
    May 25, 2014

    RIP Michael. I don’t know what else to say. May peace finally find you, speaker of truth. We will continue your work, we custodians.


  24. Marilyn Taylor
    May 29, 2014

    Re-greetings Cheri,

    I trust you are feeling better.

    On 7 May you wrote:

    “I am in the hospital Marilyn. I will release and address your posts when I am able to respond to them.”

    It is now 29 May, and my posts going back to the fifth of May still remain unpublished. Given that you said you would “release and address” these, and the latest post from a reader (above) is dated 25 May, I wonder if you have forgotten about mine.

    Best wishes.


    • Cheri
      June 3, 2014

      No, I have not forgotten about you however, your antagonistic behavior towards me and constant spamming of my blog with the same information over and over was and is unacceptable. Have a good day.


  25. Marilyn Taylor
    June 10, 2014


    My sense is that you have misunderstood my actions on your blog. Since your above comment was made in a public forum, I would like to respond it in terms of clarifying where I was coming from. It seems only fair for you to permit me to speak my own truth on this. I do not intend to do so in an antagonistic way. So my request would be for you to allow me to respond – just once – in this public forum.


    • Cheri
      June 10, 2014

      feel free and please leave the links behind.


  26. tracymapes
    June 23, 2014

    I was just Wondering? I also noticed the EXIF Data on the Final Notice on Mike’s Trailer. Did the Sheriff’s Department Return the Letters in time to take the Picture the next Morning? Or were they So Busy the Night Before to take those down?

    -Tracy Mapes

    *edited for BS


    • Cheri
      June 23, 2014

      The owner of the property and the trailers put them back in place after the Napa Sheriff returned them the next morning so he could take a picture for me. Don’t bother to post your crap here, it will be removed every time.


      • Willaby Clinton
        June 24, 2014

        How did they keep the Paper So Pristeen? So Curious that Only one news Paper covered such a Historic Event. Just for reference I’m a Newsman from Sac County. You might find the Connection Intriguing?

        *edited out Tracy Mapes bs


      • Cheri
        June 25, 2014

        Please define what you mean, “keep the paper so pristine”? And, please do not post any of Tracy Mapes BS on my site. As for why only one paper barely covered it? You tell me. If all you people want to do is play keyboard cowboys and entertain internet BS and call it research or an investigation, please don’t waste my time. Thank you.


  27. Nebijok Klysti
    July 16, 2014

    Thank you, Cheri, for your brilliant article. I only yesterday have learned that Mike is gone. He was my Morpheus. Unfortunately, I had to leave him, because some disagreements and his dark side, which I couldn’t understand, were sowing doubts and dragging me down. Now, with your help, I can understand and safely separate his genius from his demons. I’m forever grateful for the Red Pill he so generously shared with us all.

    Thanks again, Cheri. I wish you peace and strength in your own daily struggles.

    Kind regards,


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  35. Toxic Nut
    December 17, 2015

    I knew of Michael Ruppert through YouTube videos regarding 9/11 and the epic CIA press conference video. Ironically, I had just watched “Collapse” 3 days ago. That DVD really hit home for me on what is ahead for this country and the world implications.
    I was not aware of his death until just now. It saddens me greatly to hear of such a tragic, yet prophetic end to a man I had much respect for. I wish peace to him and all who were touched by his work, his humanity, and his gift.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Ed Leicht
    December 27, 2017

    Seemed like a decent man…I believe 95% of what he said.

    Liked by 1 person

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